Joining the Club

I'm  doing a little light reading in preparation for Ben's graduation and official entry into the military world. I need to know exactly what it means to be a military wife, and what that involves. Because I am realizing I am going to play a huge role in his career. No, I will not play a factor if he gets a promotion or not, but I will need to go to base BBQ's and meet with the other wives and be a support to them. I'm reading a book called The Homefront Club. It has been teaching me a lot so far.

Years ago the spouses used to actually be included on the husbands report. She did play a role in whether or not he got a promotion. And promotions are IMPORTANT! It's not just pay raise, it shows if you are actually doing your work. If you don't get enough promotions, they eventually discharge you from the service. Now wives are not part of the husbands fitness and service report, but we do still play a role. 

I'm learning that the spouses sometimes rank each other the same as their husbands. Why? Aren't we all missing our husbands? Aren't we all in this together? And that is exactly the authors point. We need to not pretend there are ranks among the wives. 

The author points out some phases that military wives go through. Most wives are in the acceptance phase, where it is all too easy to fall back in the anger and denial phases. I really want to be in the embracement phase. Excerpt from the book: "Most people don't get there. This is where you realize you are truly part of the Something Bigger than you are. You are giving back to your country. You see the big picture. When you meet people who embrace the military, you want to be like them. This is a stage that a couple comes to together, or not at all. As as you see your spouse's contribution to the military, he must see yours.Embracing the military brings contentment to the marriage, security to the family, peace to the workplace." 

Almost since Ben and I first got married I assumed I could be one of those "in the military, but not of the military" wives. I planned to try and get off base and avoid that scene as much as possible, to live a real non-military life as much as I could. I would forever be annoyed with the deployments, but learn to suck it up and deal with it. Now I'm realizing I will only make myself miserable for the next 12-20 years. Anything less than total embracement, while still maintaining realism (because let's face it, it's going to be rough), will only mean that Ben and I are not unified in our marriage. I need to drink the kool-aid. 

Ben and I need to find a mentor. Someone with our same strong libertarian views, but also in the military who understands how to take orders from a Commander in Chief that you disagree with.