My Apologies

I've been very busy the past few weeks. Not a lot has been getting done. Well, I shouldn't say that, there are lots of things that have been getting done, just not the things I would like to see accomplished.

My apartment is still a mess. I want papers and files to be put away, but as of yet there is still no place to permanently stash them. They are still moving from one surface to another is an endless cycle of my attempt to declutter. I'm so tired of having my kitchen counter and dining table used as a desk. Even the place where we keep records and files is in the way and on the floor of my living room. I know I'm a minimalist, and so me expecting things to be put away and out of sight is maybe unrealistic. I can be reasonable. I just want my house to look clean and tidy before Ben and I start having kids and it wont be clean until they move out.

Last night I just about threw a tantrum. I had fallen asleep on the couch reading my textbook. After waking up at 10:30, I made my way to bed, only to realize I needed to get up and finish readings and assignments. Exhaustion couldn't get in the way of me finishing my homework. I was so frustrated last night because Ben has been taking my laptop to school most days, thus leaving me with either trying to find one on campus, or driving home to write up assignments and return to school. As a result, I often drive of campus once or twice a day to use a computer or change clothes for the gym. Yesterdays schedule looked like this:

take bus to campus
   drop off essay in prof. office
   Institute
drive home to eat (usually I don't forget to pack food)
   write RS email (the ONE email I can't send from my phone)
drive to campus for barometer job
   class
drive home to change clothes for gym
    work out
drive home to change into clothes
drive to campus to pick up Ben from class
drive home for dinner

I would pack all my books and clothes every day, but most of the time I don't need them and they just add more weight to my backpack. When I do find myself with an hour or two of free time and want to catch up on some reading or assignments, I need to drive home. Taking the bus is annoying because it doesn't always line up with my schedule. I can go home, write an email, and be back on campus before the bus 

I was being selfish and not wanting to let Ben use the laptop. That's really where my tantrum started. Being the youngest of the bunch, sharing is not my forte. "I bought that computer with MY MONEY before we were married, and now I can't even use it anymore!" Poor Ben, he's so patient during my venting. He really does need it during his classes. My professors discourage any use of electronics during class, even to take notes. Either use a paper notebook, or nothing at all. There isn't any reason why he can't take it the majority of the time. But when I need it, I NEED it, and he's usually in class at the time. We're working on figuring something out.

Then I was upset because I haven't even attempted to write my talk for church on Sunday. When would I even find the time? I should show you a picture of my planner, next post for sure. Almost every hour is filled in with errands, class and time to do reading and homework. I'm so close to calling a bishopric member and telling him to have my speak some other time, but I don't like letting people down. Then I get frustrated that bailing isn't an option. I was taught to NEVER pass up an opportunity to speak in church, but are there any legitimate reasons to turn it down or cancel? Please say yes.

So something is in fact getting done. That one thing being my homework, but not much else. I'm a naturally lazy person, so I understand the need to push myself to be productive. I also know that everyone has their limits, and I was definitely having a mental breakdown last night. I've heard the speeches on being better stewards of our time and yada yada yada. Wouldn't you agree that sometimes we do take on more than we should? Even with the best time management skills, if you take on too much, you're not going to have the time to do everything.

Words of encouragement, and sympathy! Please!